FEBRUARY 15, 2023
A conversation with Imogen.
Imogen never cared for sports. Especially not basketball. The idea of running around and throwing a ball into a hoop seemed like some cruel form of torture disguised as “fun.” Growing up, she had no interest in trying out basketball—why would she? None of her friends played, and like most kids, she didn’t have a basketball just lying around at home, ready for her to suddenly develop a passion for shooting hoops.
In the office of KPMG
And then it happened. One fateful day, Imogen missed the bus. Not by a reasonable five minutes, but by a soul-crushing 30 seconds. While she cursed the gods of public transportation, her best friend, in a moment of misguided enthusiasm, asked her to play basketball while they waited for the next bus. Because, get this: there was a basketball just sitting there—at the court right behind their usual bus stop, accessible via her phone. Apparently, thanks to some genius idea (read: the worst idea in the history of bad ideas), anyone could just use the ball and play whenever.
Against her better judgment (and likely some form of temporary insanity caused by bus-related trauma), Imogen agreed. They played, and something unexpected happened. Imogen was… alright. And the ball kind of went in a few times. They played every week, until school ended. A few weeks into the summer, Imogen found herself on an actual basketball team. Like, the kind where people wear jerseys and yell encouraging things at each other. Absolutely delusional, Imogen was fantasising about going pro. Of course, that didn’t happen. Because life is cruel, and talent is meaningless when you’re forced to confront the crushing realities of the job market.
Fast forward a few years, and Imogen—now not a professional basketball player—works as a consultant for KPMG. She’s in an office, under harsh fluorescent lighting, trying to figure out why someone’s quarterly earnings are off by 0.02% Oh, and Imogen’s getting three cats. And freezing her eggs next year. You know, for balance.
“I wish I’d never found basketball,” she says now, dead-eyed and emotionally unavailable. “Honestly, putting a basketball at a basketball court was the stupidest idea ever.” On the surface, it looks like a great idea. “Contrary to promoting health, fun, and recreation, really, you’re just handing out balls of emotional baggage.”
The place of the accident
Now,
every time Imogen sees people using a basketball court (which is surprisingly often, thanks to sharing-stupid-economy), she’s reminded that she’s not on the court, winning championships and landing sweat brand deals. An innocent girl who was rightfully not interested in sports turned into a semi-basketball prodigy with unresolved issues about her failure to go pro. If you ask her, this was a disaster waiting to happen.
In conclusion: if you hate your current life and have no desire to open Pandora’s box of lost ambitions, do yourself a favour. Leave your phone at home. Because one minute you’re missing the bus, and the next, you’re sitting in an office cubicle, wondering where it all went wrong.
Since this article was published, Imogen has left KPMG. In 2024, she rowed across the Atlantic with a team of five women and is now actively involved in promoting greater sports participation among women. She currently works in brand partnerships at Puma.